Work and a toddler and allergies and money and family and stubbed toes and pressure and a toddler. (Ya, I said toddler twice.) And to top it off, we’re in a border crisis. And have you seen the state of our government? The fight for women’s reproductive rights or gun control? The next Presidential race? The list goes on, ya?  

It is so easy in times like this to be self-centered. To just focus on what you need to get through the day. To turn your brain off to coast through it and then to gel when it’s done. But if we do that—if we continue to turn inward without any reflection or care for the neighbors around us, we’ll never make the world better. That realization is just one small step in the right direction. The next step is the hardest.  

Bob Goff, the author of Everybody Always: Becoming Love in a World Full of Setbacks and Difficult People, offers some wisdom on the topic. LOVE. True, real, giving, selfless love is for everybody you come across, and even those you don’t.

And he really means EVERYBODY. The people who make you uncomfortable because they aren’t like you, they don’t look like you and they don’t love like you. Your coworker that rubs you the wrong way. Your Aunt you can’t talk to at Thanksgiving. The man on the street corner begging for change. And if you love in this way in the midst of your life and its hardships, there is promise that the world will change for the better. Can you surrender to that? 

“Simply put, we can stop waiting for a plan and just go love everybody. There’s no school to learn how to love your neighbor, just the house next door. No one expects us to love them flawlessly, but we can love them fearlessly, furiously, and unreasonably. 

We’re not supposed to love only our neighbors. If our love isn’t going to work for the people who live close to us, then it’s probably not going to work for the rest of the world. And [no one can really say] who our neighbors are. [It helps to not] start making lists of those we don’t need to love. 

Each of us is surrounded every day by our neighbors. They’re ahead of us, behind us, on each side of us. They’re every place we go. They’re sacking groceries and attending city council meetings. They’re holding cardboard signs on street corners and raking leaves next door. They play high school football and deliver the mail. They’re heroes and hookers and pastors and pilots. They live on streets and design our bridges. They go to seminaries and live in prisons. They govern us and they bother us. They’re everywhere we look. It’s the one thing we all have in common: we’re all somebody’s neighbor, and they’re ours. There’s a whole world of neighbors. We call it earth, but [it’s] just a really big neighborhood. 

What often keeps us from loving our neighbors is fear of what will happen if we do. Frankly, what scares me more is thinking about what will happen if we don’t. Being fearless isn’t something we can decide to be in a moment, but fear can be overcome with time and the right help.” 

This energizes me. The anxiety is gone with this simple sentiment. Now it really is just the fear that’s left behind, and I think I can conquer that. I’ve been praying on this daily. Every instance in my life that I come across someone that irks me or makes me uncomfortable or mad, I think about the greater purpose. What would happen if I just loved them? And it’s not easy. Or perfect. I’ve missed plenty of opportunities to just love. But I believe the practice will net a better result than if I just give up. 

I’d love to hear if reading Bob’s words changes your perspective—please feel free to share an event or instance that brought choosing LOVE to mind. <3 Jess, @JBierman87

Small aside: the original book is religious in nature. I am a Christian, but I believe wholeheartedly the sentiment is universal. Out of respect for your beliefs, I wanted to remove mentions of Jesus and God from the reading. I just didn’t want anyone to be surprised if they picked up the book and saw Jesus all over the place. :-)

Every day feels so overwhelming. To start, there’s just life.

A Book Report: Everybody Always

Condensed

LaDonna entered into a toxic work environment run by misogyny and fear. LaDonna said that at one point, one female security guard was forced to use the bathroom on herself because the head staff wouldn’t let her leave her post.

So LaDonna continued to assess the power she did have, and leverage that to make changes. At first, it was simply surviving the job–she found ways to use the bathroom or eat without leaving her post. Then, she began training other new employees to stand up for themselves, to follow the code of ethics, to report things that weren’t okay. Over time, there was a cultural shift and those in power began having to answer for their behavior. Eventually, everyone at the top was let go. I think this story signified something far more important:

Everyone can make a difference. LaDonna looked at her role critically to identify opportunities to make changes. She didn’t just do her job, she was playing a game of chess. She believed herself to be a leader, and acted as a leader, and saw herself as an equal to those in charge of her. Empowerment starts within ourselves–and to make a difference, we have to believe that we are capable of creating change.

Changing the system takes time. LaDonna was steadfast and persistent, even when she was the only one in her environment who seemed It’s easy to lose perspective on change when change happens so slowly. In the early days, when it feels like nothing is happening, it’s easy to give up. Often with our clients, we see change happen with our work very slowly–but we know that to really change minds and attitudes, it takes persistence and dedication and cohesive, unwavering message.

It can be easy to feel powerless, but I was encouraged by this woman’s story, as a reminder that if we consistently live in our truth, act and don’t run–change can happen.

Empowerment + Time = Change

Recently, I heard a story of an airport security guard named LaDonna who effectively changed the entire work culture of the airport. I think the reason this story spoke to me, is that contrast to the typical “American Dream” stories we hear, this isn’t a story about a woman who worked her way from the ground up–well, it is, but that’s not the point–it’s a story about one person changing a larger problem through smaller actions.